Mom

Disgusted,
Humiliated,
Underestimated,

I am secretly feeling the hate from everyone I am close with, well it is true what they said
" The amount of people that loves you, are as much as people that hates you"
"Do not believe at the smile they gave you, it covered the anger and the hatred"
" Do not believe at good treatment, there is something behind that"

But, i tried not to be a narrow-minded human being. I refuse to feel that way because I believe every single person have their rights to like you or awfully dislike you.

Clearly, i am lying if I said I am totally fine with that.

Nope, I am not. When you are getting the love from everyone, the sudden hatred coming after that do hurts me a a lot, As I can finally know
- how they really feels about me
- how they actually see me
- how they wish to do at me
- how much the amount of complain they wanted to deliver

funny, I am finally having the moment of writing something sad in my blog while the tears are crazily running down through my cheeks and I cannot find the way to stop

I have been keeping everything inside,
- knowing that average human being can be patience about something that constantly hurting them is low.
- knowing that if I get mad today, the next day, it feels like nothing ever happened

guess who is so proud with her little heart and feelings.

but deep down I know, its bleeding and currently in need of extra blood
when this kind of time comes, the only words my heart yelling, asking for is

mom,

i want to go back to my family, strangers have been treating me good but mom, why did i feel not good, discriminate because of my stupidity,  my low rank of cgpa, how different I am with the others.

i looked back, and count how many times I get insecure over everything. I lost count.

mom, can you take me home.

please?